Most of us have things in life we wish we could take back, or have never have done.
Some of us have more than one thing.
Some things are considered bigger than others.
But most of us, whether we realize it or not, have at least one thing we regret.
I have known a variety of people in my lifetime. Some have shared their version of this phenomenon of wishing they could take something back, and they vary in scope and magnitude. Fortunately, few have been as extreme as, “I wish I had never pulled that trigger”. However, even something as relatively benign as, “I wish I had never bought (or stolen) that item”; “I wish I had never made that comment”, or “I wish I had never sent that email” can be so painful to the speaker that it brings tears to their eyes. Regret is one thing we humans appear to share, nearly universally, that is apparently unique to our species.
How curious, that this happens! How is it that so many of us could have done something to spur such painful feelings of regret? How is it that we could share something so distressing, and not have learned to avoid it? As a general rule, we have developed the good sense not to deliberately put our hands in a fire, eat poison, nor do other things that put our well-being at risk. And yet, while these and other things have tell-tale signs such as pain, we can’t seem to avoid such discomforts as are rewarded to those who have caused regret within themselves.
I suppose one reason might be because we don’t always know what behaviors or experiences will cause it. After all, we could speed down the freeway 1000 times and not have an accident that kills anyone. We might be absolutely certain that if we were to have that accident, we would have a deep sense of regret! And yet, there we go, reaching 80+mph, weaving in and out of traffic and blaring our horn as we curse the other drivers not going that speed, into our cell phones.
Hmm . . . said that way, it’s not a surprise that we might be the only species that experiences regret! That might be a poor example of the original premise of that paragraph. *ahem*
Perhaps a more adequate example would be something like that comment or email. We might have good intentions in saying or sending it, but somehow the forces of the Universe combine against us, and we discover that our good intent proverbially blows up in our faces! We may discover factors of which we weren’t aware, factors that, had we known them, we *never* would have done what we did. Sometimes we never discover those factors, but for some reason or other we are riddled with the pangs of regret. And, no matter how much we might even know it wasn’t our fault, or we couldn’t have known, or it wasn’t a big deal in The Grand Scheme of Things . . . it doesn’t really matter. For some, they never get over the fact they did that thing that caused them (and usually others) such pain.
So, then, what’s a person to do? How do we avoid doing such things? What can we do to immunize ourselves from such a fate? Well, my friends, I have a very good answer for you! An answer that just might change your life . . .
. . . Actually, no I don’t. I mean, I can’t even tell you *why* we do what we do! How would I know how to avoid it? We can try to think things through before we rashly make choices, but sometimes the most thought-out plans backfire! Sometimes there is absolutely nothing we can do to prevent something from becoming a perceived disaster!
Yeah, thanks, you say; I just read this whole thing, thinking perhaps you’d have some constructive, or at least comforting, advice! What good is this? you say. Sheesh, you say!
Well, I suppose hope is not completely lost in my words. But I never said I was a guru! I would imagine the good news I can hope to give is to remind you that nearly everyone does things that make them feel, in the least stupid, but at the most extreme as if to rue the day they were even born! Nearly all of us end up regretting something or other, so you’re not alone in it. Not that knowing we can all do regrettable things is particularly comforting, I guess.
Um . . . there’s also the advice to remember that, because we all do such things, we shouldn’t beat ourselves up about it. As always, I declare that I’m not a hypocrite; I’m simply proving that I understand it’s harder done than said! But our punishing ourselves to the brink of insanity for such mistakes doesn’t help anything nor anyone. Instead, remedy what you can remedy, learn what you can learn, avoid what mistakes you can avoid in the future and then let the past go if you can. The greatest gift we can give the world is forgiveness, and since we are a part of the world, forgiving ourselves is a part of that gift. If you need permission, I give you permission! If you need an excuse, blame me! I’m good with that!
So . . . uh . . . yeah. That’s all I got, for now. While proud of myself for actually completing AND posting something, I can’t exactly say it’s the most cheerful and uplifting of all topics. But sometimes things going on, conversations I’ve had, or other such things spur thoughts, and while not necessarily comparing myself to a horse (nor worse *coughs*), it can get me moving to write something. I’ve always felt that if something might benefit someone else, I should never be too proud to share it within the scope of propriety and good sense. Or something like that.
Anyway, there you go. I now return you to your regularly-scheduled, or at least more normal, internet experience!
~ Me
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